“For wisdom will enter your heart and knowledge will be pleasant to your soul, discretion will protect you, and understanding will guard you, wisdom will save you…”
For those of you who are new widows, you are faced with so many changes overnight. The whole dynamics of your family change. You are now responsible for the things your spouse did plus the responsibilities you had. You realize that your dreams, your friends, your lifestyle and relationship with Christ are different. You are hurting and so are your children. You know you have two choices – turn it all over to Christ or turn your back on Christ.
Daily you have to make that choice over and over again.
Bitterness, anger, fear, brokenness…these were emotions that were hourly and daily weapons that Satan used to try to make us turn our backs on Christ. Many nights all I could pray was: “Lord, help us! Lord, protect us! Lord, help my hurting children. Lord, heal my broken heart! Where are You, Lord? Do you still love us? Lord, please don’t let us become bitter or angry!”
I went to the library and got on the internet to look up anything about widows—there was nothing. So I got two CDs from a ministry Tom liked called Vision Forum (www. visionforum.com or 1-800-440-0022). I ordered “Defending the Fatherless” and “The Role of Women in the Local Church”. These talk about my role now in light of Tom’s absence—how to help my children and how to run my home with Christ as the head. I already had the CD “Twenty-Four Hours Is All You Get”, also from Vision Forum, which helped me order my days (along with FlyLady.com). The other things I found that helped were a CD called “Redeeming Love” from the book of Ruth by Pastor Adrian Rogers and the study of Ruth by Precept Ministries (Kay Arthur), then, two years later, the book Grace for the Widow by Joyce Rogers.
God reminded me of how Ruth in the Bible was significant to Tom and me when we got married. I surprised him at our wedding and recited the Scripture to him. Ruth 1:16: “Where you go, I will go and where you stay, I will stay. Your people will be my people and your God, my God.” So God reminded me that all I needed was in Ruth, the book He wrote especially for widows. It tells of Boaz, who rescues the widow, Ruth. A beautiful love story! Also, Boaz represents Christ and Ruth, the Church.
Just months after Tom died, men started asking me to date. I wasn’t ready—but I realized I needed to pray about it, as I did when I was 14, because I wanted God’s hand in my life and choices. This is what I prayed: “Lord, if you want me to marry again, please send me my Boaz, but until that time, Christ is my Boaz. So, I still wear my wedding band because I have learned that Christ is my kinsman redeemer and husband.”
While I was writing this, I got a call that another lady about my age just became a widow last night – suddenly! It broke my heart for I know her sorrow. She loved her husband as I loved Tom.
So, to those of you who still have your husbands, let me tell you: life is so short. I know your husband isn’t perfect—because no one is—just love him as he is! Pray more than anyone for him every day! Thank God for him and talk well of him. Tell him every day that you love him and thank him for picking you, then respect him in all you do or say. Ask the Lord to help you be the help mate that he needs. Praise God each night as you lay down beside him. And if you become a widow, Christ is your only way through it. He is not your Enemy – He is your Savior!
Every day I have to remind myself upon waking in the morning to be thankful for where God has me right now. A dear Christian friend shared this song with me. I needed it so much:
Satan has come against you
Nothing you do is right
You rely on strength within yourself
But he’s pulling on every side
Don’t you know that he will defeat you
If you try to stand on your own?
But with Jesus Christ beside you, friend
You’ll never have to stand alone
When it seems you can’t take any more
He has a blessing just for you
Just hold on, a blessing’s on the way
The trials that you’ve been facing
You know they just can’t stay
Though you’ve been fighting a war inside
Your help may come today
Just hold on child
A blessing’s on the way
Don’t you know that there is a reason
For the trials that you’re going through
It’s learning to depend on Jesus
Relying less on you
For the Savior up in Heaven
He knows just what to do…